Its something a lot of girls (and maybe even boys...) claim to search for after a relationship falls through with their other half.
Its something I claim to desire too, after a boy has let me down, and I'm left feeling confused and hurt. For me, I often seem to think my closure will become obtained if I talk to the boy, for one final time and understand where it all went wrong.
In theory, this sounds like a good idea, and the perfect solution to put your mind at rest. Not only do you have an opportunity to say whats on your mind, you might also get some answers out of it too.
However, in practice, it never turns out to be that simple. In my experience, every time I've had 'the final talk', I either start to develop new worries and fears or worse yet, forgive them, only to wind up in the same situation a few months later, where so much more seems to be at stake.
So much for closure.
This is why I have come to believe the idea that a 'final conversation' (especially one in a wild attempt to gain closure) is a flawed one.
I'm not saying, that speaking face to face with him is a bad idea, far from it. Ask any of my friends and you'll hear that I love a bit of confrontation (especially with a dash of alcohol). All I'm saying is don't go ahead thinking of it as a solution, as a 'final conversation' and definitely not as closure.
If anything, you'll just use it as an excuse to talk to him again, and feel disappointed with yourself for wanting to do so. I know this from my loved ones and my own experience, and you are left with your self-esteem on the floor. You feel weak, and upset that your 'final conversation' wasn't enough to make you move on.
This is hardly how you want to be feeling when the bastards already left you feeling rubbish.
To get over someone, the best thing you can do, is accept that it is going to take time. Accept that there are going to be days you can't get him out of your head. Accept that sometimes, you are going to want to talk to him.
However, in accepting all of these things, you also have to accept that he is part of your soon-to-be, past. See yourself as undergoing the transition phase. Everyone is going to have their bad days where you are reminded of the past, but you are also going to have good days, which will give you an insight to the future.
Its something I claim to desire too, after a boy has let me down, and I'm left feeling confused and hurt. For me, I often seem to think my closure will become obtained if I talk to the boy, for one final time and understand where it all went wrong.
In theory, this sounds like a good idea, and the perfect solution to put your mind at rest. Not only do you have an opportunity to say whats on your mind, you might also get some answers out of it too.
However, in practice, it never turns out to be that simple. In my experience, every time I've had 'the final talk', I either start to develop new worries and fears or worse yet, forgive them, only to wind up in the same situation a few months later, where so much more seems to be at stake.
So much for closure.
This is why I have come to believe the idea that a 'final conversation' (especially one in a wild attempt to gain closure) is a flawed one.
I'm not saying, that speaking face to face with him is a bad idea, far from it. Ask any of my friends and you'll hear that I love a bit of confrontation (especially with a dash of alcohol). All I'm saying is don't go ahead thinking of it as a solution, as a 'final conversation' and definitely not as closure.
If anything, you'll just use it as an excuse to talk to him again, and feel disappointed with yourself for wanting to do so. I know this from my loved ones and my own experience, and you are left with your self-esteem on the floor. You feel weak, and upset that your 'final conversation' wasn't enough to make you move on.
This is hardly how you want to be feeling when the bastards already left you feeling rubbish.
To get over someone, the best thing you can do, is accept that it is going to take time. Accept that there are going to be days you can't get him out of your head. Accept that sometimes, you are going to want to talk to him.
However, in accepting all of these things, you also have to accept that he is part of your soon-to-be, past. See yourself as undergoing the transition phase. Everyone is going to have their bad days where you are reminded of the past, but you are also going to have good days, which will give you an insight to the future.
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, 'closure' is;
That which encloses, shuts in, or confines; a fence, wall, barrier, case, cover, setting, etc.
Hmm. To me, this interpretation of closure actually sounds pretty extreme and terrifying. Its most definitely unrealistic for any hot-blooded woman to believe they can 'confine' all their emotion for a person ever in their life, let alone in one conversation.
Closure is actually not what women are looking for in getting over a guy. They are merely hoping for their emotions to fade away and to one day, develop stronger and more positive emotions for someone else. (And in the mean time, party the night away, spend your student loan on shoes and eat your weight in cookie dough ice cream - all to be done with friends, of course)
This is something, we have to admit to ourselves, can't be rushed. Indeed, the longer the healing process, the more thorough it will be. And as a result, the stronger and wiser you will be for the next one.
After all, good things come to those who wait.
x
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